Bust Jitching
Published on May 16, 2004 By Winky In Misc
OK I am desperately in need of a life. (Not that mine is all bad, but it's the only logical thing I can use as an excuse as to why watched about 1/2 of the movie "Willard")

This is supposed to be a horror flick (I think) about a man who uses rats to get even. Let's take a trip through the first few minutes of the movie shall we?

Mom is upstairs in bed.

Mom: WILLERRRD (she screams and she sounds exactly like mama in Throw Mama From the Train) Oh WILLERRRD there's rats in the basement.

Willard: (After inspecting the basement just prior to moms nails on chalkboard cry, and finding all sorts of evidence of what looks like a colony of rats, including a poop of Super rat) No mom, there are no rats.

Mom: Yes there are dear, I know they are down there.

Willard: Have you been in the basement mother?

Mom: No Willard, you know I can' t go down there, I just know. I can smell them. Now come here Willard dear.

He enters mothers room and begins to fluff her pillow

Mom: Willard dear, maybe if I didn’t give you such a pussy name, you would not be such a pussy (OK something like that) He holds the pillow like he wants to smother her. Maybe if I named you a handsome name like Mark, or Mike, or oh yes... Clark you wouldn’t be such an ugly pussy (Yeah yeah, I am just translating) Clark, yes Clark, from now on I'll call you Clark. Good night Clark.

Willard rushes off to get some rat killing stuff. He ends up with a shitload of traps set, (only after snapping his hand a dozen times) Later He hears ALL 50 or so traps going off and then stop. He's thinking, I got them. He goes down in the basement and there's not a rat in sight..

He then uses a sticky paper trap, he hears a commotion and when he runs down to the basement to finally see if he sees proof of rats, there runs the little mouse stuck to paper. He looks around and eventually finds the family. The next thing you see is the instructions how to remove the rat paper should you come in contact with it, and out comes the vegetable oil and he pours it on the mouse to release it. OOPS heeeeeeeeeeeere comes mom, "WILLERRRD" banging on the bathroom door, (quick, wrap the mouse in a towel and shove him in the drawer, run out and throw mom back in bed).

Willard heads down to the basement to put the mouse back. He named it Socrates he found a few others and put Socrates with his family. He picks up (this is the truth) a can of nuts. They were called numm nuts...(HAHA made me laugh) now there are several rats, they begin to run around the basement looking for food he watches as they scurry and eat. Oh MY...THEY EAT TIRES.

Willard was so excited, he pakced a bunch of rats up, (yes, literally, he opened suitcases and watch the 100 or so rats jump in) He took the suitcases to his bosses house, made an entrance for the rats on the outer garage door, and opened the suitcases. VIOLA! Forget slashing all four tires, just send in the rats.

After the deed is done, something alerts his boss, one quick call, and the rats are back in the suitcase. OH DAMN, his bosses dog is chasing the suitcases. That's OK, Willard will teach him. He puts down the suitcases, opens one, picks up the dog shoves him in with the rats closes it and begins to walk again. Something came over him, so after 10 steps, he put the suitcase down and opened it, the dog jumped out.

::::WHEW::::

Well, I missed about 20 mins of it so when I came back in, mom was dead, some chick walked up to him and gave him a present to help him deal with the loss of his mother, it was something to help keep him company. Any guesses? YES, a CAT. :::tongue in cheek:::: Needless to say he refused it, but the stupid bitch insisted he have it, so he accepted. It made a pretty good appetizer, but those dirty rats play dirty LOL One went out to bait, the cat fell for it, that's all she wrote.


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